This will be my first post and there is a lot of background not here yet.
I have a 19 year old stepson currently living in my household. My husband and I disagree frequently about this and even when he does agree with me, we still argue about the situation because he feels badly about taking my side. I do not know how to get my stepson motivated to join the adult world. He is afraid of change, has never had to deal with consequences for his actions, and of course is 19, and thinks the world belongs to him.
Major issue now: I don’t care if he lives here but he refuses to clean up after himself. He stockpiles dirty dishes and trash in his room. I am concerned we are going to get roaches it is so bad. I already have noticed an influx of ants. When the dishes sit too long he throws them away. Both my husband and I have threatened and offered to help clean it up but it does not seem to help. My husband went in after a nasty fight with me, helped him clear everything out and all he had left to do was sweep and mop which has not been done in a year. It still did not happen. My husband and I are both frustrated with it, but my husband plays it cool because he knows that I am beyond upset about it.
I know what you are thinking, “I would kick him out” ( I have shown people pictures of his room and got that response) and I would love to but he does not drive, has very few friends, and every time I threaten that he never takes it seriously because he thinks his dad will smooth it over. So far Dad has done that but I am really tired of it and think he needs to go. I could kick them both out but I also have a 2 almost 3 year old and a 6 month old with his Dad.
I feel stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place and eventually I am going to be the super villain in the story. He is an adult and I feel he should act like one but I also know that when it comes to working and having his own money, he is still like a 16 year old. The only reason he has a job now is because I (and his Dad because I freaked out) forced him into one at 18.5 years of age. He is still learning what it is to have money and how to spend it wisely.
difficultieswithparenting 